Incomplete Circles

The circle never completes, life takes us into new directions. Hopes are drawn in the bottom of our heart as a pair of shoes that no one will wear from the beginning and yet like Cyzif, he keeps carrying the heavy stone over his head for ever . Dreams don’t fall except after giving you the power to dream with all your might, then when you fall your heart falls with you. Why it doesn’t appear impossible from the beginning? That is the question. This possibility throws us in its playful arms. He starts from the beginning in spite of the hearts absence he goes on because he has no other choice but to continue his path of life. Life is a heavy burden and hopes sometimes makes it even heavier for the circles of life are never completed. He trains himself to give up dreams as none shall ever be fulfilled. In the eyes of society he will always be viewed as lower class, for his trade is worth nothing in their eyes. Society is blinded by the status quos of life and cannot see his heart and his love for all mankind through the glass of his shop. Not only did he learn his father’s commerce but he also struggled to get his, Bachelors of Arts Degree. He endured much suffering for it did not come easy to him having to work long hours and still go home to study. Many of his colleagues from school had it easy, for their only worry was to study, meanwhile he toiled to receive his degree. He comes to realize that all those years of hard work meant nothing for he holds a degree that is useless. In his old age finding a job was almost impossible and he remains a shoe salesmen. This circle of life seems to be completed but it’s only a facade just like thousands of others who hold useless certificates as does his friend the singer who sings alone and no one can hear his songs, such is his fate. Time marches on and he fears his chance of ever marrying. Out of desperation he chose at random one of their neighbors and he tried to close this circle but there is no heart felt emotions. Once again life throws him another curve ball and this time his father falls ill, with a long term Kidney disease. The lengthy illness and hope for cure makes it difficult to keep track of their money and he doesn’t realize their business is about to collapse. Things were getting hectic and he feels he has no time even to breath. He doesn’t Discover this great loss until his father’s death and he is left with all the debts and the responsibility of all the family. There is no time even to sigh. He begins work with the absence of the soul for he is drained of all emotions. He is obliged to sell the flat which he was preparing for his marriage, losing the third of its price to pay some debts and save the situation. At that moment he decided to go to his friend, who also works in a shoe factory just to hear some of his songs. When his fiancé knows what has happened she silently comes to ask him to brake off their courtship, just to complete the circle straddle, he accepted her desire wishing her a better chance in life. Yet he cannot help but wonder how soon after she began a new relationship with the famous football player. Life doesn’t allow him to view his steps for it marches on cruelly. Only the sadness that is left haunting him daily and the biggest one was the death of his mother, who died a year after his father s’ death. Her death left a big wide empty gap in his heart and the thirst for kindness that can’t be satisfied after loosing its biggest source, the one who gave him the strength to go on. At that moment he wishes to see his ex-fiancé even for a moment not for love but for the need of compassion, why doesn’t she pass by and share his sadness and his despair and then shake his hand? As always he trains himself to give up what little hope was left inside him but then at that moment he realized that the only completed circle in his life is the one of sadness and despair that’s when he decided to challenge his fate and face the life with the opposite feeling of misery. The death and grief cast a gloomy disposition on his face and smiling no longer was part of his life for it became of no importance to acquire that feeling. Depression became his way of life, which he keeps secured in an unbreakable bottle of boredom and loneliness. He turns to his only solace the trade which he inherited, the shoe commerce he loves, and accompanies the shelves and he even begins to feel that shoes accompany him in return. He no longer lets life beat him down with sorrow but instead he decides to complete one happy circle in his life. He observes the people through the glass window of his shop as they stop to gaze at the shoes. They come in different shapes, colors and models always in their false and shinny appearance and artificial look just as the viewers who stop at the front of the shop. He wishes to situate them in a line in front of his shop were he can step out of the glass and order them to stop for a moment and look how false and artificial they look just as the shoes do. Stop for a moment and rearrange the values of your life and the measurements of nobility and shapes. You may then know the authenticity and quality of leather for yourself and be a better judge and realize the facts, and know this please that shoe makers who sing or sell are not less than you who buy and wear them and in spite of that they are lower beside your feet. In all that dejection she appeared… she passed in front of the shop with a friend of hers, her eyes are serene and compassionate. In her eyes he hears a soft unspoken whisper only he can hear, calm as a summers’ breeze. He hopes she will ask the price of a pair of shoes or to give him the courage to break the ice and allow himself to start a conversation. Her presence awakes the hope that the circle of happiness may finally be completed .Silently he awaits her return so he can glaze in to her eyes, how he loved her, without knowing anything about her. He searches within himself and finds he secretly loves her deeply. It wasn’t just a need or for mere company but a strong desire that yearned within him to live a calm life with those sympathetic eyes, he so adored. The line goes around the circle safely like the shoe that will complete the set of shoes. Every time he works up the courage to talk to her he fears he will start something he wont be able to complete. This time he doesn’t allow himself to give up that dream even if it’s impossible. Let it be a hope that may lighten the burden of life than to have lived without any desire for her. He stays in his shop for a long time everyday wishing that she may pass by and because of her he buys more expensive models of shoes in hopes that she may ask the price of at least one pair. Without meaning he becomes the most remarkable shoe seller in the area, but in reality all he wanted was to gain her attention, to hear her voice to ensure that she is real not a dream. The soul releases itself from it's prison. During his time of waiting with his soul on fire and working hard, her friend entered the shop alone. She asked the price of a couple of shoes and he was so generous with her that he gives her a less expensive price, then he got the courage to ask her about her friend. He surprised her and himself by the question; “Is she engaged? ”"No " replied her friend "but she is a big dreamer and she likes birds" she added. His personal philosophy inspired him to think that she has a higher view of life and she may not care for a shoe salesman, but her eyes look full of sympathy and secrets are stronger than his own philosophy. He asked her friend to tell her about him and his strong desire to marry her. He waits for the respond for more than two weeks. All incomplete circles come before his eyes … “what will the bird lover say? ”Two more weeks of anxiety and hope, he seats himself to keep the hope alive with all his might this time… just some more time of dreaming and it will be enough time for the circle line to go round slowly and steadily .The hope takes him so far that he decides to save money for the dowry and the bride’s presents. "She said no," said her friend shortly and went away.He sat down calmly and kept silent for while. His heart and soul were sitting calmly too. How could she do away with all his hopes with a word which consists of two letters? How could she close this circle so decisively and easily while she was the one who inspired its drawing?. Were dreams playing cynical games with him? Why did she come into his life at that precise moment?. What was that look she gave him?. Instead of crying he found himself laughing. He Sneers at all the circles in his life. His friend the singer was his only solace and he wishes to hear him at that exact moment, his simple yet expressive songs are what he needs to hear, the songs which he sings only for himself . A young apprentice in the big shoe factory , lower and more nameless than a shoe seller, not even worthy to be behind the glass window, but he keeps singing in spite of the simplicity of his songs. He knows that that color is not important or whether its deep or not, nor the values of the arts, but it's our sadness and depression which completes our circles. We are nothing but mere shoe makers and vendors. He listens to him intently, then he decided to make the first completed circle in his life. A circle that no one will be able to destroy. He goes back to his shop and opens the drawer and gets the money he was saving for his marriage, then he walks without hesitation to his friend the singer. He decided to publish his songs at his own expense, in order to complete one happy circle and see it with his own eyes.

Ended